Exorcist: The Beginning (Renny Harlin, 2004): 1/5

The power of Christ compels you to not see this movie.

Dominion: Prequel to The Exorcist (Paul Schrader, 2005): 1/5

Fascinating only when compared to Exorcist: The Beginning. Paul Schrader’s version was initially shelved and remade by Renny Harlin, but then eventually completed and released in 2005 after Harlin’s film didn’t do well (making it, in a sense, Exorcist 5, though it was shot before #4). I totally see why a producer might watch it and think "oh, we need to fire Schrader and get the guy who made Die Hard 2 and Deep Blue Sea to reshoot the entire thing."

To quote Schrader: “It’s the sort of thing you talk about in film school. What if they gave the same picture to two different directors?”

 Apparently, both screw it up horribly in different ways.

The Nun (Corin Hardy, 2018): 1/5

Was this only made for the stupid French Canadian joke ??????????

*aggressively spits on the ground*     #moviepass

re-watched The Fugitive Kind (Sidney Lumet, 1960): 2/5

Second viewing, no change, last seen late 2000s. Lumet here still trying to find his groove post-12 Angry Men while saddled with a script that feels more like a bad imitation of Tennessee Williams rather than the real thing itself. Thick and wordy with a frustrating lack of chemistry between Brando and Magnani and Brando and Woodward. Stuffy sets made stuffier with the dense black and white cinematography. Overall, a snooze. Needs more drunk, horny eccentric Southerners.

Facing Windows (Ferzan Ozpetek, 2003): 2/5

Wherein a gay, Jewish concentration camp survivor teaches a woman with Serious White Lady Problems how to bake a cake. There's also a pop song-accompanied cake-baking montage.

Smithereens (Susan Seidelman, 1982): 2.5/5

Like the Italian neorealist version of the early 80s New York punk scene with one-hit wonder Susan Berman playing the mundane, charismatically horrible female anti-hero. Extra half point for Richard Hell in his vainglorious Richard Hellishness.

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang (Shane Black, 2005): 2.5/5

"DON'T QUIT YOUR GAY JOB." Lot of great stuff on display here: the acting, the chemistry, the humor, the visuals, etc, but too messy and convoluted to be truly great.

The Orphanage (J.A. Bayona, 2007): 3/5

Plot-holes here and there, but undeniably skillful in execution. Has a compelling ending with strong performances and thrills/chills all the way till the very bittersweet conclusion.

Suburbicon (George Clooney, 2017): 3/5

Not as bad as I anticipated. Strong performances, good intentions, plenty of ambition, and admirable things to say, but doesn't quite gel together overall because it tries to do way too much (the two stories present, one being a darkly comic murder mystery noir and the other being a social satire and commentary on racism).

Interview with the Vampire (Neil Jordan, 1994): 2.5/5

I knew it was gonna be gay but i had no idea it would be THIS gay !!!!! However, still not gay enough

Suddenly, Last Summer (Joseph L. Mankiewicz, 1959): 3/5

When Mercedes McCambridge is playing the nicest, most normal character in a movie, you know shit's going to go down. Katharine Hepburn alone has like 15 deranged monologues in the opening 15 minutes. Be sure to take a shot everytime someone says "Suddenly, Last Summer"! 

The Wrestler (Darren Aronofsky, 2008): 3.5/5

An unlikely beautiful film; powerful and moving. Shame it took me a decade to see it. Basically Rourke's Birdman.

This Gun For Hire (Frank Tuttle, 1942): 2.5/5

Alan Ladd's Raven and Alain Delon's Jef Costello in Le Samourai are basically the same person.

Unforgiven (Clint Eastwood, 1992): 2/5

A pedestrian effort that fails to justify its own overexcited one-upping of its genre. As an action or a thriller it's just too lazy and meditative; as a thoughtful examination of the western itself it rings hollow to me. The characters and performances are no great shakes either. And there's really no point to the English Bob sub-story; such padding in a 130-minute film is inexcusable.

Black Narcissus (Emeric Pressburger, Michael Powell, 1947): 3/5

STUPID NUNS YOU CANNOT RESIST THE SENSUOUS SPIRIT OF NEPAL.

Would love to re-watch this on 35mm nitrate.

Basquiat (Julian Schnabel, 1996): 2/5

A mega cast fails to lift this portrait of Basquiat into anything insightful or dramatic, despite its particularly interesting setting. Be on the lookout for Sam Rockwell in a do-rag and Willem Dafoe as an electrician for a combined total screen time of 90 seconds.

Bye Bye Birdie (George Sidney, 1963): 2.5/5

Or, Heteronormativity: The Musical

Wonderfully colorful but with songs that are passable at best.

re-watched Memories of Underdevelopment (Tomas Guiterrez Alea, 1968): 2/5

Second viewing, last seen circa late 2000s, no change. Maybe I'm just too ignorant about the Cuban Revolution to properly appreciate such a counterintuitive portrait, with its focus squarely on the semi-decadent non-adventures of a bourgeois pseudo-intellectual. Gutierrez Alea's incorporation of archival footage, clearly intended as caustic counterpoint, only amplifies my lack of interest in Sergio's complacency.

The Conjuring 2 (James Wan, 2016): 2/5

They sure did...conjure more things.

The Wizard of Lies (Barry Levinson, 2017): 3/5

Bush-era misery porn. The bit when a snarky Bernie Madoff starts brutally laying into his eight year granddaughter for quizzing him about Wall Street during a family dinner was my favorite De Niro moment in years.

Halloween (John Carpenter, 1978): 3/5

Stupid Jamie Lee Curtis really didn't check if he was dead two whole times!!! Also, if Michael Myers was any slower he'd be going backwards.

Children of the Corn (Fritz Kiersch, 1984): 1.5/5

Like jesus camp but with murder and corn.

The Salesman (Asghar Farhadi, 2016): 3/5

Farhadi continues his successful streak of tense "family in crisis" pieces, crafting another nail-biting slice of social realism in modern day Tehran.

Murder on the Orient Express (Sidney Lumet, 1974): 1/5

Just as bad as Branagh's 2017 rendition. Agatha Christie sucks.

On the Beach At Night Alone (Hong Sang Soo, 2017): 1/5 

Or: How I Lash Out At People When Drinking Soju

Ineffective and tedious.