The Disaster Artist (James Franco, 2017): 3/5 
Back when I worked at Cinefile, we had a section aptly called "Holy Fucking Shit". Guess which title was always prominently displayed on there? 

Brawl in Cell Block 99 (S. Craig Zahler, 2017): 3.5/5
Fantastic genre piece. Loved the stylization, the writing, the characters. #originality #ftw 

The Florida Project (Sean Baker, 2017): 2/5 
Cinematic slog about poverty and the tired theme of childhood resilience, with indie affectations. But even with my general abhorrence for children and the state of Florida, and my apathetic feelings for Sean Baker's work, it's hard not to be smitten with Willem Dafoe. 

Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri (Martin McDonagh, 2017): 4/5 
Me: Hi 
Frances Mcdormand: shut the fuck up and die ugly 
Me: Oh my god yes anything for you 

I, Tonya (Craig Gillespie, 2017): 2/5 
I, Michelle am glad I didn't pay to see this. 

The Shape of Water (Guillermo del Toro, 2017): 2/5 
WASTING WATER IS NOT ROMANTIC. #wtf #bestpicture #really? #oscarssolame 

Call Me By Your Name (Luca Guadagnino, 2017): 2.5/5
Watching this really was the definition of neutral for me, if not bordering on slight dislike. It feels more like a puzzle with mostly missing and broken pieces and I'm not sure what "brilliant" bigger picture I'm supposed to be seeing. The film itself and multiple characters within it talk about the love between Oliver and Elio as if it is a rarity and a beautiful thing, but where is it ever like that? There's NO chemistry and we barely see them interact together in any significant way, making their inevitable coupling feel blasé. And another thing: Armie who?? Other than being conventionally attractive, I honestly found nothing intriguing, memorable, or revelatory about him or his performance. #overrated 

Battle of the Sexes (Jonathan Dayton, Valerie Faris, 2017): 2.5/5 
This is a GAYS only event, GO HOME 

A Hole in My Heart (Lukas Moodysson, 2004): 1/5 
A conveyor belt of depravity. Despite its [SCREECHING NOISE] efforts to employ avant - [SOUND CUTS FOR 4 SECONDS, THEN SCREECHING NOISE OVER PIXELATION] garde technique to discuss [GOES NIGHTVISION AND SOUND DOESN'T MATCH IMAGE] sexual desire and past trauma and parenting I don [SCREECHING, SCARE CUTS TO VAGINAL SURGERY] 't think the film succeeds at articulating any of its ideas astutely. 

Bone Tomahawk (S. Craig Zahler, 2015): 4.5/5 
Zahler's a talent. Simply superb. A brutal, smart, literary Western about what is basically a story of four white dudes saving a captured woman from Native Americans, made on a low budget. One of the most impressive debuts in recent years. (And I'm no gorehound or genre aficionado.) Zahler is two for two so far. Can't wait to see what he comes up with next. 

Fingersmith (Aisling Walsh, 2005): 5/5
Lesbian Sally Hawkins: way better than Fish Fucking Sally Hawkins. (This is also superior to Chan-wook Park's version.) 

Thelma (Joachim Trier, 2017): 3/5 
Sheltered by her parents to the point of neurosis, 18-year-old Thelma heads off to college and begins to feel the stirrings of attraction toward new friend Anja. Then things kinda take a turn for the worst. And the weird. Kinda like a Nordic version of CARRIE with a more sexually actualized protagonist. 

Beloved (Jonathan Demme, 1998): 3/5
A scene for scene, line for line adaptation of the acclaimed Toni Morrison novel of the same name. A sprawling and bracingly uncompromising studio project. #RIP #jonathandemme 

Black Panther (Ryan Coogler, 2018): 3.5/5 
Ryan Coogler to film composer: "Make every theme so rhythmically intense that no white people can clap along." 

Phantom Thread (PTA, 2017): 3.5/5 
Me Whenever Someone Causes Me Any Minor Inconvenience: are you a special agent sent here to ruin my evening and possibly my entire life? Is this my house? This is my house, isn't it? Or did somebody drop me on foreign soil behind enemy lines? I'm surrounded by all sides. When the hell did this happen? Who are you? Do you have a gun? Are you here to kill me? Hmm? Do you have a gun? Where is your gun? Show me your gun. 

Molly's Game (Aaron Sorkin, 2017): 2.5/5 
Jessica Chastain really brought the "I was told by Apple Care" realness that this role required.