Amour Fou (Jessica Hausner, 2014): 2/5

Those Germans really know how to do romantic comedy. "I love you, I want you to kill yourself with me." It really is the height of Nihilistic devotion. Sociopolitically specious and frankly kind of dull, but then I didn't perceive it as a comedy—a recurring problem with a particular strain of mordant art cinema (cf. Lazarescu).

Ready Player One (Steven Spielberg, 2018): 1/5 

A by-the-numbers exercise in narrative genericism* that plays to the fantasies of hardcore geeks old and young alike. Revels in its nonstop cavalcade of insipid pop culture references. #moviepass 

*(So it's an extremely basic bullshit set up—blandly attractive white boy orphan [with obligatory Black Best Friend sidekick] has to Save the World and Get the Girl! The girl online could actually be a basement dwelling dude IRL. But, of course, when she finally appears in the flesh, she is a total babe who has one superficial "humanizing" flaw: a mild birthmark on her face. Our noble hero somehow finds it in his heart to love her anyway.)

Even Cowgirls Get the Blues (Gus Van Sant, 1993): 2/5

Uma Thurman's prosthetic thumbs are so fucking horrible and distracting. Jesus Christ. Had way more fun with Tom Robbins' source novel. (Currently in the midst of devouring all of Robbins' writing - amazing writer.) 

The Handmaid's Tale (Volker Schlondorff, 1990): 2.5/5

Haven't seen the Hulu series, haven't read the Margaret Atwood novel. At this point "Handmaid's Tale" is Trump-era liberal torture porn and I just can't do it.

The Post (Steven Spielberg, 2017): 2.5/5

Meryl does her thing. Tom does his thing. Please clap. 

A Quiet Place (John Krasinski, 2018): 3/5

I dunno it might be a good idea to at least sometimes wear socks, but that's just me. And another thing: you would not choose Monopoly as your silent family game. Monopoly requires communication and negotiation, and often engenders conflict. Might as well play goddamn Operation. #moviepass

Isle of Dogs (Wes Anderson, 2018): 2.5/5

On the whole, the film didn't do much for me beyond give me a laugh or two every half hour. Once you get over the fact that they're dogs that talk like normal dudes, the humor ends there. #moviepass

Horse Money (Pedro Costa, 2014): 2/5

Another esoteric, challenging film by Portuguese master Pedro Costa. Much of it left me cold on an emotional level, and for every striking image that momentarily arrested me, an incantatory sequence left my mind wandering. 

Needless pedantry: the title actually refers to a horse called Money, back in benighted Cape Verde (it was eaten by vultures, alas).

You Were Never Really Here (Lynn Ramsey, 2017): 3/5 

Kubrick expressionism meets Scorsese ultraviolence for the Greatest Hits album of Disaffected Ferocity. Far more poetry than prose - and every bit as beautiful. #moviepass

The Work (Jarius McLeary, Gethin Aldous, 2017): 3/5 

 Once a week, convicts at Folsom Prison meet in the prison chapel for group therapy sessions. Twice a year, members of the general public are invited to join them for an intensive, four-day session. The Work is a documentary that follows one such session, serving as the cinematic equivalent of an exorcism that rips out the guts of toxic masculinity to reveal repressed vulnerability and deep sadness. A special subject indeed, but brace yourself. 

Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets (Luc Besson, 2017): 1/5 

 Might've worked better as a TV show. I feel like I watched the plots of 10 episodes. 

WARNING: MAJOR RANT AHEAD. And another thing, I really hope the day comes when Dane DeHaan chooses to share with the world the incriminating photos he has of various bigwigs in the film industry that has allowed him to blackmail his way into becoming the lead actor in films. Because they must be absolutely fucking amazing.  He's the absolute pits. And casting him as the lead role in a standalone $200 million sci-fi action film where said lead is meant to be a charismatic space adventurer and hero is more than enough evidence that Luc Besson has lost his damn mind. An unripe gratefruit has more screen presence than DeHaan but there's also the fact that HE CANNOT ACT. 

That said, I'm sure he's a nice guy. 

Disobedience (Sebastian Lelio, 2018): 3/5 

Turgid, but well-acted drama with some hot Rachels. The woman sitting in front of me whispered “not bad” after the sex scene and it’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me in a movie theater. #moviepass

Ghost Stories (Jeremy Dyson, Andy Nyman, 2018): 2.5/5

An attempt at an anthology style horror film with no sense for how to do the wrap around segments, wholly underwhelming, totally reliant on jump scares and with terrible dialogue delivered poorly even by a veteran like Martin Freeman. Half a star for Alex Lawther though; I’d watch that weirdo read out the phone book any day. And another half a star for "The Monster Mash" playing during the end credits. Would not recommend watching this. Would recommend listening to "The Monster Mash". #moviepass