The Fabelmans (Steven Spielberg, 2022): 2.5/5

When David Lynch appeared, I finally understood how Marvel fans feel. Anyway, it's heavy-handed middle-brow schlock but had its moments here and there, I guess. Ultimately too corny and saccharine. Not for me.

Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery (Rian Johnson, 2022): 3.5/5
Delightful fun with a fine ensemble cast and largely better than the first. Extra half star for the sweatpants joke.

All Quiet on the Western Front (Edward Berger, 2022): 3.5/5
Elaborate, intense, rich in futility. Stunningly beautiful cinematography and the score is modern and oftentimes jarring.

rewatched Clerks (Kevin Smith, 1994): 2/5

I’ve watched Clerks twice now and enjoyed it even less the second time around. It just lands somewhere between 'disappointing' and ‘rubbish’ for me. The best joke: "MY GIRLFRIEND SUCKED THIRTY SEVEN DICKS" "in a row??" After that, the movie is mostly a logarithmic transgression into mediocrity.

Talladega Nights (Adam McKay, 2006): 2.5/5

"So when you say psychosomatic do you mean like he could start a fire with his thoughts?"

Not like stubborn American masculinity isn't a fairly soft target but this is indeed a solid diagnosis, especially for a relatively tightly structured comedy that still maintains the loose Apatow improv-y style.

An American Tragedy (Josef von Steinberg, 1931): 2.5/5

Apparently Sergei Eisenstein was slated to direct as his first American feature (Now THAT would've been interesting). But once it was passed to von Sternberg, he intentionally scuttled the critique of American capitalism and the futility of class strivings that Eisenstein, as well as Dreiser in his novel, emphasized. Instead he turned it into a standard murder/courtroom drama. But without the hallmark von Sternberg exoticism. Mostly a disappointment, but not without its moments. I’d be willing to bet that few spoken lines in early-1930s cinema ring as piteously as Roberta (Sylvia Sydney) whispering, ”Clyde, please don’t go,” to herself, head down, eyes closed.

Avatar: The Way of Water (James Cameron, 2022): 3/5

Moana, Moby Dick, and Titanic collide as Cameron's project makes a much needed location change. Ultimately, just a big beautiful creature with a pea sized brain (as expected). Must be seen on the big screen to fully appreciate the technical mastery (duh).

rewatched Avatar (James Cameron, 2009): 3/5

Its politics of otherness are all kinds of cluelessly reductive, and Cameron has always had problems when attempting to ground his truly awesome tech fetish and his command of spectacle and design with often tin-eared "human" stories.

rewatched Eyes Wide Shut (Stanley Kubrick, 1999): 5/5

Wowwowwow I forgot how stunning, forgot how the vibes in this are so unbelievably fucked. A flawless film from beginning to end. Larry Smith's DP work is unreal. All of the warm, diffused interiors are at a contrast with deep, luminous blue hues. Such opulent, sinister extravagance. Score is perfect. It still scares me shitless, too. Eyes Wide Shut is the perfect closure in the career of one of cinema's greatest directors. And dare I say essential Christmas viewing?

Jeepers Creepers (Victor Salva, 2001): 1.5/5

This is just plain moronic—even insulting, arguably, given that our heroes repeatedly make inane bad-horror-movie decisions ("Let's see, the creepy figure who previously nearly ran us into a ditch and then got in his scary truck and chased us when we saw him dump what looked like bodies into a big pipe just kept on driving when we pulled into a field. He's probably gonna grab some lunch now. Let's check out his place!") while arguing about whether they're behaving like characters in a bad horror movie. Does not absolve!

Irma La Douce (Billy Wilder, 1963): 3/5

Dumb, but no dumber (and arguably less dumb) than Some Like It Hot, one of the all-time great comedies.

rewatched Murder on a Sunday Morning (Jean-Xavier de Lestrade, 2001): 4/5

An outstanding, telling case of police incompetence and the outstanding work of two public defenders.

rewatched The Staircase (Jean-Xavier de Lestrade, 2004): 5/5

Easily one of the best, most engrossing and most focused documentaries on the American criminal justice system out there.

The Whale (Darren Aronofsky, 2022): 2/5

“People are amazing.” Did eighth grade Ellie write this whole script, too? So much of the story is about the value of empathy, while the leering camera feels strangely aligned with the characters around Charlie who regard him with disgust. A few too many moments are seemingly played for shock value (dark comedy, even?) related to Charlie's otherness as a fat person. But the screenplay, adapted from a metaphor-laden play, never really centralizes Charlie as a complex human being. He feels like a classic self-sacrificing character who gives audiences a better appreciation for their lives and gets lauded by the Oscars for "bravery." The surrounding players don't fare much better, though Hong Chau brings some needed grounding to her portrayal as Charlie's nurse and closest friend. While I'm usually quite taken with Darren Aronofsky's visceral character studies, his style just isn't the right fit for this material.

ALSO: here are the things you see Brendan Fraser eat in this movie:

-Bucket of fried chicken
-1.5 3 Musketeers candy bar
-Meatball sub (extra cheese)
-Turkey sandwich (no mayo)
-2 extra large pepperoni and sausage pizzas (no crust, some with extra slice of American cheese and ranch)
-Doritos sandwich with grape jelly

EO (Jerzy Skolimowski, 2022): 3/5

Through the eyes of a donkey, we are transported to different places where we see varying facets of humanity. Bresson would approve. Isabelle Huppert has a fun flirty step-MILF cameo.

Emancipation (Antoine Fuqua, 2022): 2/5

Will Smith does his Oscar face for 2 hours and has some type of French/Haitian accent that changes from scene to scene. Anyway, you’ve seen this movie before, only not as boring or ugly. Antoine Fuqua has to be the greatest example of a one hit director I have ever seen in my life.

The Staircase (Antonio Campos, 2022): 3.5/5

Owl theory all the way, baby. And yay Juliette Binoche is in this!!!! Also, Parker Posey is perfect as Freda Black.

Can't Get You Out of My Head (Adam Curtis, 2021): 3/5

Stop the conveyor belt of doom, I want to get off! This 8 hour doc is a towering, kaleidoscopic journey through life in the modern era - from the collapse of the British Empire to Brexit, from the radicalism of China's Cultural Revolution to its modern surveillance state, from the original Black Panthers to BLM - posing its central question early on: does anything really change? Curtis posits that the individual has become disillusioned with wanting to bring revolutionary change and, through the shifting power dynamics, populism has weaponized that disenchantment with a desire to return to a nostalgic fabrication of the past created by the elites.

This is more of a collage of sight and sound than a proper documentary (utilizing pretty fantastic b-roll/odd archive footage from the BBC and an AMAZING soundtrack). It's told in fragments and shards of glass, the type of series that will hit you with a dozen names each entry. I can't completely gush about the end product itself like many have done but I can respect what an immense undertaking this was.

The Talk of the Town (George Stevens, 1942): 3.5/5

A lovely mix of Capra style civics lessons (done in a far more palatable fashion than Capra IMHO) and romantic comedy. Grant, Coleman and Arthur are one of the most adorable trios I've ever seen on screen - respect, friendship and maybe more (Hays Code subtext!) blossoms between the two philosophically adverse men whilst an absentminded Arthur scurries about the house trying to keep them both happy. And having two leading men on board means you're left guessing which one she'll choose right until the very end. African American actor Rex Ingram also appears in a not-so-stereotypical role, admittedly he is still playing a valet, but he gets sensitive treatment in several significant scenes.

The Eternal Daughter (Joanna Hogg, 2022): 2.5/5

Joanna Hogg: please stop making autobiographical movies. (It's weird that she finds her life so fascinating that it warrants a trilogy.) Stars for 2x the Tilda though, who plays both the director and her mother.

rewatched Suspiria (Luca Guadagnino, 2018): 5/5

Tilda Swinton be like " yes i will be in your movie but only if i can also play a man" androgynous queen!!!

Also I forgot how next level the nightmare sequences in this are, they SEND me

The Stranger (Thomas M. Wright, 2022): 2/5

Like NITRAM (2021), I just couldn’t shake the feeling of WHY. Aussies sure love a gritty color drained crime drama based on true events with lots of pensive music and characters deep in thought and a bloated runtime and small artistic flourishes that don’t really contribute anything.

The Woman King (Gina Prince-Bythewood, 2022): 1.5/5

I only saw this because of the high Rotten Tomatoes score. There could be something great here but you'd need at least a couple more drafts from capable writers and a director that understands pacing. Just mediocre and tedious. I smell a Best Picture nomination!

Mass (Fran Kranz, 2021): 3/5

Fran Kranz's debut is modest in scale but massive in ambition, seeking nothing less than to explicate an unimaginable horror. The film isn't particularly cinematic, but its emotional weight is staggering. Kranz's script avoids theatrical temptations; there's no rat-a-tat, flowery turns of phrase are rare, monologues are brief and frequently interrupted. Instead, he simply places us in a room with his four-piece symphony of suffering, trusting the viewer as much as he trusts the fearless cast, dreaming of some epiphany to cut through the bullshit and make us remember that we have more in common than we think.

She Said (Maria Schrader, 2022): 1.5/5

Or, This Would Have Made A Much Better New York Times Article Oh Wait

Also, take a shot every time there’s a phone call (I’m in the ICU).

Just artless, soulless, monotonous, derivative, uninspired, severely lacking. Zoe Kazan: please go away.