I spent most of November post-election in a depressive funk. I woke up on Wednesday Nov 6th, checked the internet, and promptly cancelled all my meetings and called out of work that day. Suddenly, watching movies for personal enjoyment didn't seem all that important in the face of being abandoned by a country I wasn't even aware that I loved. Here's what I was able to scrounge together though.

Memoir of a Snail (Adam Elliot, 2024): 3/5

"Life only makes sense backwards. But we have to live it forwards."

Touching and humane. Snails can only move forward, and so does time, and so must we.

 Goodrich (Hallie Meyers-Shyers, 2024): 2.5/5

Mr. Mom 2: Still Momming After All These Years.

The Penguin (Craig Zobel, 2024): 3.5/5

1960s: he's called the penguin because he's wearin a suit!

1990s: he's called the penguin because he was raised in a damn zoo!

2020s: he's called the penguin because he is disabled and has trouble walking and actually it's really fucked up to call him that. like i am a murderous gangster and i really think you should tone it down with the ableism

Please don’t remind me of any other Penguin performances from now on except Colin Farrell’s.

We Live in Time (John Crowley, 2024): 2/5

A postmodern weepy that's entirely too precious and baity. No doubt the movie wears its heart on its sleeve, but sadly has nothing else up it.

Smile 2 (Parker Finn, 2024): 2/5

This is exactly how It feels when some old geezer in the grocery store tells you “You should smile more”. Except that’s a little worse.

Wicked (Jon M. Chu, 2024): 1.5/5

Interminable. Mindless pop dribble akin to a Marvel movie or the Star Wars prequels. A cliche within a cliche warning us to not bully people because they look different. Filled with trite and contrived drama. The film is exactly the kind of adaptation of an adaptation of a book based on a movie that I expected a mess of IP salad to be. Bloated, asking for you to clap in the movie theater, expecting you to laugh at pedantic jokes that feel juvenile, and chock full of CGI.

I’m a contrarian. I’m grumpy. And I’m a loner with this one. And that’s fine by me.

Conclave (Edward Berger, 2024): 3/5

Like an episode of America's Next Top Model. Soooo silly it's gonna win every Oscar.

Saturday Night (Jason Reitman, 2024): 2/5

If I had made this movie it would have been about the 90 minutes before the Steven Seagal episode.