The Assessment (Fleur Fortune, 2025): 4/5

As a person who also questions the soundness of bringing children into a world that appears destined to burn soon, I felt seen by The Assessment.

A solid and promising debut feature by Fleur Fortune. Nicely paced, focused tone and momentum and execution. Minimal-effects sci-fi that’s able to create this totally believable, lived-in world, without compromising the film with a metric fuck-ton of expositional clunk. Alicia Vikander runs away with it. What a wild, intense, bonkers performance. And Minnie Driver coming in like a tornado and kinda saying what I’d been thinking the whole time, lol. A genuinely interesting, compelling and thought-provoking sci-fi indie film.

Marie Antoinette (WS Van Dyke, 1938): 3/5

A romanticized and quite sympathetic look at the doomed French queen. There were a number of plot points that were taken directly from history (the necklace affair, the attempted escape, the rivalry with the preceding King's mistress and so on) and they're expertly woven into the overall narrative of the titular character. But the real star here is the extravagance of the production: the sets, the costumes, the HAIR! It's all on a scale that was huge even for MGM at the time.

Vivacious Lady (George Stevens, 1938): 4.5/5

A movie about the intoxicating power of a good kiss from a beautiful person. “They don’t make ‘em like this anymore” I wistfully murmur into my corn on the cob.

I love everything about this movie. I love that stank ass trick of a fiancée, I love that idiot cousin, I love that horrible father, but most of all, I love that I found the origin of that Hattie McDaniel gif. Also, Ginger Rogers got a stan out of me. My goodness she’s stunning here.

On Becoming a Guinea Fowl (Rungano Nyoni, 2024): 3/5
Very well made and deeply upsetting. Tradition versus Modernity might be one of cinema’s most enduring and rich themes.

Death of a Unicorn ( Alex Scharfman, 2025): 1/5

I’ve never had more faith in my creative abilities. Fucking dire. At least someone snorted the unicorn horn powder.

Blind (Eskil Vogt, 2014): 3/5

Kaufman does Kieslowski in Oslo. A tinkering with creative transference and an unsettling use of space. Feeling like she has no control left of the outside world, Ingrid (Ellen Dorrit Petersen) retreats into her inner one until it almost consumes everything. The lines get diffused and as an spectator you start to feel confused and lost, just like her. It must be hard. The anxiety, loneliness, anguish, fear and desperation. You go on with it because you want to know, she goes on with it because she wants to live.

The Annihilation of Fish (Charles Burnett, 1999): 3.5/5

This is not a film that signals its importance by veering into stylistic excess or formal austerity, and for many it will be viewed as lesser Charles Burnett and a specimen of post 90s indie quirkiness. But the trio* of performances that drive this film are pretty great and a testament to Burnett’s legendary equanimity and humanism. Seeing it at the age I am now probably has a lot to do with how I received it. The idea of a love story between a man who wrestles with his demons and a woman heartbroken over a lover she’s conjured up would have seemed precious at 19, but at 39 it resonates. The movie is deceptively complex with what it has to say about what happens when our demons and scars become longtime companions. It also helps if, unlike many contemporary moviegoers, you don’t have an aversion to the operatic. Madame Butterfly isn’t just there for window dressing. It’s a key to understanding how to read the film. I hope this film gets paired up at revival houses with Minnie and Moskowitz. The films have a lot to say to each other because they are made by directors with the two biggest hearts in all of late 20th century cinema.

 
*RIP James Earl Jones, Lynn Redgrave, and Margot Kidder.

Locked (David Yarovesky, 2025): 1/5

If Jigsaw was an insufferable conservative boomer.

Charlotte's Web (Iwao Takamoto, Charles August Nichols, 1973): 3/5

Television animation studio Hanna-Barbera (The Flintstones, The Jetsons) made the big-screen jump with this adaptation of the E.B. White children’s classic. It’s fair to say that the best stuff — including an honest consideration of mortality — comes directly from White’s plot and prose, while the additions (plaintive songs, an annoying gosling named Jeffrey) fail to add much.

The Friend (David Siegel, Scott McGehee, 2024): 1.5/5

Me throughout this entire movie: "CAN I PET THAT DAOWG"

The Shrouds (David Cronenberg, 2024): 3/5

Favorite line: "Grief is rotting your teeth."  

Not his best, for hardcore Cronies only. The raw emotion of his grief (this film is very much the director publicly processing the death of his beloved wife) is quite arresting at times.

Drop (Christopher Landon, 2025): 1/5

she literally tried everything but turning off her airdrop

Ronin (John Frankenheimer, 1998): 2.5/5 

Flighty and half-told, almost feels like a purposeful deterrent for plot holes but winds up nevertheless head-scratching by the end. Then again, we’re not here for narrative tautness, are we? The action is fine, and the acting supports that well enough—De Niro and Reno carry much of the load; smaller roles, in all fairness, aren’t given much to do—even when things get a bit dramatic (like the red-herring suspense of De Niro’s first venture to the Paris cafe); some gnarly car chases, too, but nothing nearly as memorable or exhilarating as the vehicular prowess of e.g. The French Connection, or Death Proof, or countless others. I’ve nothing bad to say about this other than, perhaps, I’ve nothing terribly good to say about it, either.

An American Crime (Tommy O'Haver, 2007): 1/5

First of all, the amount of famous people in this is astonishing. Second, it's a terrible film. One of the least ethical portrayals of a real crime I’ve ever seen.  Everyone needs jail time, right now. And if you're unfamiliar with the story of Sylvia Likens - don't read the details. Honestly, don't. You don't need that kind of horror in your life.