Putting aside my nag that we didn't get to see the logical next installment titled 28 MONTHS LATER - does that bother no one else? - Lots of literal big dick energy here. A gang of pimped out blonde parkour kids in tracksuits was probably the last type of people I thought would show up. The film might resonate with younger audiences, but for us oldies, the primal thrill is gone. From the opening scene, comparisons begin—and they aren't flattering. Boyle seems to sense this. Maybe that's why he inserts a jarring Godard-style archive footage intercut to scrub away some of the mainstream gloss, and those experimental moments were my favorite in an otherwise overly polished, Hollywood-ized journey.
28 Weeks Later (Juan Carlos Fresnadillo, 2007): 2/5
Torture having to follow these dipshit kids as they single-handedly decimate the global population. (I cannot believe this movie had four writers. Four!) Further demerits: severely lacking Cillian Murphy dong.
Barbara Walters: Tell Me Everything (Jackie Jesco, 2025): 3/5
Weawwy intewesting documentewwy.
The Phoenician Scheme (Wes Anderson, 2025): 2.5/5
It’s yet another beautiful Wes Anderson film with a star studded cast but what else? Should’ve been 102 minutes of the basketball scene.
Final Destination Bloodlines (Zach Lipovsky, Adam B. Stein, 2025): 2/5
There's an unintentionally hilarious scene in this where the main character explains the tree traversal algorithm Death uses to eliminate a person's descendants and how its path through the graph can be blocked at specific nodes. All of these movies seem to position the antagonist as a sort of computer that can be wildly creative within a certain problem space (finding Rube Goldbergy ways for people to die) while having strict logical rules that it can't violate under any circumstances. I guess that's nothing new — The Seventh Seal is about trying to beat Deep Blue at chess.
Clown in a Cornfield (Eli Craig, 2025): 2/5
Clown in a Cornfield fully delivers on its title—there are clowns, and they’re in a cornfield.
Hurry Up Tomorrow (Trey Edward Shults, 2025): 1.5/5
DADDY CHILL, I'm unABEL to process this bad trip!
28 Weeks Later (Juan Carlos Fresnadillo, 2007): 2/5
Torture having to follow these dipshit kids as they single-handedly decimate the global population. (I cannot believe this movie had four writers. Four!) Further demerits: severely lacking Cillian Murphy dong.
Barbara Walters: Tell Me Everything (Jackie Jesco, 2025): 3/5
Weawwy intewesting documentewwy.
The Phoenician Scheme (Wes Anderson, 2025): 2.5/5
It’s yet another beautiful Wes Anderson film with a star studded cast but what else? Should’ve been 102 minutes of the basketball scene.
Final Destination Bloodlines (Zach Lipovsky, Adam B. Stein, 2025): 2/5
There's an unintentionally hilarious scene in this where the main character explains the tree traversal algorithm Death uses to eliminate a person's descendants and how its path through the graph can be blocked at specific nodes. All of these movies seem to position the antagonist as a sort of computer that can be wildly creative within a certain problem space (finding Rube Goldbergy ways for people to die) while having strict logical rules that it can't violate under any circumstances. I guess that's nothing new — The Seventh Seal is about trying to beat Deep Blue at chess.
Clown in a Cornfield (Eli Craig, 2025): 2/5
Clown in a Cornfield fully delivers on its title—there are clowns, and they’re in a cornfield.
Hurry Up Tomorrow (Trey Edward Shults, 2025): 1.5/5
DADDY CHILL, I'm unABEL to process this bad trip!
(In which Trey Edward Shults valiantly tries to perform life support on a thinly conceived vanity project.)
No comments:
Post a Comment