Tar (Todd Field, 2022): 4/5

Perfectly constructed and beautifully executed character study of a famed conductor and her fall from grace - fueled by her own hubris and self-obsession - directed with Kubrickian control. As vast and unknowable and unwilling to deliver easy answers as it is long, this film is going to get summed up as perhaps the first great cancel culture movie, but it’s less about that buzz word as it is concerned with the great questions of our time. Felt like it escaped from an alternate universe where we still let movies like these get made on the regular, where the legacy of the 1970s was not Jaws and Star Wars but more blistering character studies about the major issues of the day.

Cate Blanchett’s spellbinding performance commands your attention and suffers no fools. She’s simply operating on a level few others are. This is indeed her magnum opus.

Blonde (Andrew Dominik, 2022): 2.5/5

Technically astounding but sacrilegious. Ana de Armas deserves the Purple Heart. Some scenes I could have done without:

1. Inside of her hooter

2. POV ur the toilet as she throws up

3. Close up as she gives the President some sloppy toppy 

Triangle of Sadness (Ruben Ostlund, 2022): 2.5/5

Or, The Love Boat of the Flies at the Beach.

The first and second parts feel like a collection of Ostlund B-Sides. Very unfocused loosely connected bits about the same stuff just less inspired. Occasionally witty here and there, but never evolved past its original message. By the one hour mark it fails to introduce anything new; rich people are evil/dumb and useless, and “the island” as a sort of social experiment/restructuring feels so tired and uninventive.

Aftersun (Charlotte Wells, 2022): 3/5

Desperately wanted to fall in love with this, but it didn't quite capture me. It almost did, nearly as its conclusion - I think it was just a bit too obscure, I didn't know where to latch on until two thirds of the way through, and by that point it was too late for me. I love the detail, the puzzle, I just kept waiting for a little more of a bigger picture, a little more context, although I understand why Charlotte Wells leaves it out. I love the performances though and the boldness of the restraint. Excited to see what Wells does after this even if it didn't totally connect with me.

The Good Nurse (Tobias Lindholm, 2022): 3/5

An effective slow burn procedural that ensures compelling viewing. Was especially impressed by Eddie Redmayne, who I've never much cared for. Jessica Chastain is reliable.

Bros (Nicholas Stoller, 2022): 2/5

Already forgotten, so it succeeds at being most romcoms.

A Love Song (Max Walker Silverman, 2022): 2.5/5

Slight and unfussy with heavy shades of Reichardt, but a good deal less refined. Some nice moments here and there. Good vehicle for Dale Dickey.

Bus Stop (Joshua Logan, 1956): 1/5

I don’t typically give older films such harsh ratings because I give them a little cultural and historical leeway, but Bus Stop is such an ill-advised and uncomfortable attempt at a romantic comedy I don’t think any moment in time would make it acceptable. It's also barely watchable thanks to Don Murray's all-time atrocious performance.

Clash By Night (Fritz Lang, 1952): 3/5

Entirely toxic, barbed melodrama - a noir only in that it doesn’t really believe in happiness. Stanwyck is electric and Monroe is eerily perfect.

Cujo (Lewis Teague, 1983): 0.5/5

90% domestic drama, 9% dog, 1% post-sex trombone playing.

Fido (Andrew Currie, 2006): 1.5/5

Throwaway gag from Shaun of the Dead. Boring Canadian expansion.

Monster (Patty Jenkins, 2003): 3/5

"Everybody just thinks I'm this bad shitty fucking person, and all I'm trying to do is survive, you know?"

Bleak and uncompromising, Patty Jenkins's film is also deeply empathetic of Aileen Wuornos's life; she is critical of the systems and familial support that should have been in a place to prevent someone from ever needing to lead the life Aileen did. She is also however aware of Aileen's agency and how she allowed decades of abuse to manifest itself into tragic murders. Jenkins understands but she also certainly doesn't condone.

Terrifier 2 (Damien Leone, 2022): 1/5

I was terrified alright...terrified of that runtime!

Of Unknown Origin (George P. Cosmatos, 1983): 1/5

Repulsion meets Mouse Hunt starring Robocop. About 80% of this movie is Weller wandering around his house in various states of distress while he breaks shit and screams at a giant rat that you never really see. (It's not as entertaining as it sounds.)

rewatched The Most Dangerous Game (Irving Pichel, 1932): 3/5

Peak '30s thriller. Fay Wray is my scream queen.

Murder By Death (Robert Moore, 1976): 1/5

Just in-your-face racism, 25 minutes of gags about how a blind man can’t see things (I’ll pause here for the raucous laughter at such a funny concept), a good cast that isn’t used at all, and a rushed and uninteresting “meta” mystery that says nothing about the genre or its tropes. Watch Clue instead.

Piggy (Carlota Pereda, 2022): 2/5

Killer first act but then it kind of just limps along to the finale. This has extreme “short elongated into a feature” energy and feels way longer than its scant 90 minutes.

Hellraiser 3: Hell on Earth (Anthony Hickcox, 1992): 1/5

And you become a Cenobite!

And you become a Cenobite!

And you become a Cenobite!

You all become a Cenobite!

Duller and more rusted than Pinhead’s nails, Hellraiser 3 is a pointless addition to the Clive Barker franchise.

Hellbound: Hellraiser 2 (Tony Randel, 1988): 2/5

Loses no points for attempting to outweird the original, but whereas that movie felt wholly original and minimalist, you can feel the pull of the Nightmare on Elm Street movies on this rushed sequel that includes corny nightmare sequences (a spooky carnival! bleeding pictures!) and a doctor-turned-cenobite villain who is all too pleased with his endless gurgling of sub-Nightmare Freddy medical world play.

Halloween Ends (David Gordon Green, 2022): 0.5/5

Jamie Lee Curtis hasn't ever taken an Activia-fueled shit as big as this Halloween movie was.

Dahmer - Monster: The Jeffrey Dahmer Story (Ryan Murphy, 2022): 3/5

Simply dreadful title. Not just the story of a gruesome serial killer, but also of the fucked up system that enabled him to operate undetected for decades. White privilege IS the reason Jeff Dahmer was able to get away with what he did. You can’t tell me any differently.

Bodies Bodies Bodies (Halina Reijn, 2022): 2/5

More like Boring Boring Boring! It's basically a rich-kid Gen Z mystery movie with a slasher vibe. Just meh. Best line though:

"your parents are upper middle class.

no. they're not.

they are. they work at a university.

it's public."

The Loved Ones (Sean Byrne, 2009): 2/5

A strange lesson in torture, sadomasochism, and forbidden familial desires, THE LOVED ONES will scratch the itch for a perverse viewing experience but fails to do much more than that.

Ringu (Hideo Nakata, 1998): 2.5/5

This is what people thought that Lumieres train was gonna do. Not so funny now, is it?

Hellraiser (David Bruckner, 2022): 2/5

Or, “Scooby Doo!: Curse of the Puzzle Box.”

Jesus wept...through the tedious and unremarkable first two acts. A somehow inspired third act and great visuals and practical gore can’t make up for this 2-hour empty slog though. Also, I came for weird sex stuff, what’s all this moral and ethical dilemma bullshit?