Mrs. Harris Goes to Paris (Anthony Fabian, 2022): 3.5/5

Mrs. Harris brings her stiff-upper lip optimism to the haute couture snoots. Broad but oh so well played by Lesley Manville, etc., and damn sob sob sob. 

Bullet Train (David Leitch, 2022): 1.5/5

Ugh. Even Guy Ritchie himself has too much dignity to make a movie this arch and glib in 2022.  

* Lyle, Lyle, Crocodile (Josh Gordon, Will Speck, 2022): 2.5/5

The tone is similar to that of Paddington 2 (good choice), and the croc looks great. However, the songs are on the nose, tuneless and manic.

 

* Avatar, rw (James Cameron, 2009): 5/5

Took Jack and had a really good time. The movie remains one of the most immersive experiences I’ve ever had at the movies—a great quality for sci-fi/fantasy. Certainly the best-ever use of 3D. With all that on screen, to complain about the basicness of the script is churlish. Bring on the water.

 

The Rehearsal, season 1 (Nathan Fielder, 2022): 3/5

As in, say, Hearts of Darkness, the main draw here seems to be the display of our artist actively and desperately searching for a meaningful way forward in his project. 

 

 

Foreign Language Horror Fest

A wide variety of tones.

 

Speak No Evil (Christian Tafdrup, 2022): 3.5/5

Mostly a savage cringe fest (a la Östlund) about the difficulty and awkwardness of maintaining a couples friendship. The final 15 minutes, which suddenly turns ghastly and political, is bollocks.

 

Saloum (Jean Luc Herbulot, 2022): 2/5

The setting in Ghana is new, but the film is Incompetent on a storytelling and technical level—a poorly assembled mish-mash of fumbling action tropes. Amateur hour. 

 

The Wolf House (Cristóbal León, Joaquín Cociña, 2018): 3.5/5

I have no idea what’s going on here dramatically (although since it’s from Chile one can at least guess the context), but the animation style is mind-boggling. Stop-motion where you see the world transformed every second with paint and paper mache, characters building up or melting away. In other scenes the characters seem to be painted with thick-brushed acrylics on the walls—the endless repainting that must have been required to move them around is unfathomable. It looks so extraordinary (and sometimes horrifying) that the lack of action is forgotten. Comparable to this year’s Mad God. 

 

November (Rainer Sarnet, 2017): 4/5

Full of ghosts, witches and spells, werewolves, enchanted objects, and more, all presented at an original and idiosyncratic angle—plus sleepwalking princesses, star-crossed lovers, and lots of very poor and very dirty/toothless peasants. Beautiful high-contrast b/w images pile up and repeat, growing more rich across the film. Comparable to The VVitch. 

 

The Wailing (Na Hong-jin, 2016): 4/5

Ridiculously fun Korean horror, where thrills come early and often. Throws zombies, possession, witches, sickness and the rest of the kitchen sink at a small town. 

 

A Girl Walks Home (Ana Lily Amirpour, 2014): 3/5

Since it’s a b/w Iranian movie, I was expecting this to be austere. But instead I encountered a movie stylish almost to a fault—a jejune blend of Jarmusch deadpan and Tarantino set pieces. Turns out it’s a product not of Iran but of Sundance. 

 

[REC] (Jaume Balagueró, Paco Plaza, 2007): 4/5

Possibly the best zombie movie you’ve never heard of. High intensity, high verisimilitude (found footage/”live” transmission).

 

A Tale of Two Sisters (Kim Jee-woon, 2003): 3.5/5

A clever puzzle movie, narratively. Why are these characters acting like this?? We’ll tell you later.  

 

Pulse (Kiyoshi Kurosawa, 2001): 2.5/5

After an hour and a half of jittery spooks, a character finally spills the beans that this movie is about the fear that after death there is just eternal loneliness. Expresses a very early-00s anxiety that the internet is actually making us all less connected, man. (See: Radiohead)

 

The Devil’s Backbone (Guillermo del Toro, 2001): 3.5/5

Well made, in a Spielberg/Zemeckis sense. Very professional in terms of its lighting, acting, production design, creepy setting. Filled with intrigue: sex, ghosts, bullying, “the war,” betrayal. But the main baddie is nothing more than a rando sadist murder unmoored to any metaphor or theme. 

Orphanage (J. A. Bayona, 2007): 3.5/5

Produced by del Toro, this film shares much in common with the The Devil’s Backbone in terms of production values and “cinema of quality.” Both are mostly just haunted family dramas, with the ghosts representing “the forgotten” (in a vague way). Both are blissfully free of historical resonance or theme. 

 

Ringu (Hideo Nakata, 1998): 3/5

There’s just one big scare, coming at the very end. The rest is a perfectly engaging and professionally produced (by Western standards) detective-reporter mystery investigation to source images in a spooky film. 

 

Demons / Shura (Toshio Matsumoto, 1971): 3.5/5

Contains some fetishism and flights of sensation and fantasy but mostly a straight up revenge samurai flick—a far cry from the radical (and jaw-dropping) Funeral Parade of Roses or the 11-minute psychic bomb of Atman. 

 

Jigoku / Hell (Nobuo Nakagawa, 1960): 3/5

Unusual movie. Our protagonist is involved in a fatal hit-and-run and is racked with guilt. Thereafter his fiancé dies, then his mother dies then everyone around him dies one by one and in groups. This is a convincing idea of hell—but the story is told with a lot of weird, colorful side characters and a perplexing tone that swings between dread and goofiness that reminded me of Lynch. During The last half-hour, the scene shifts to a particularly theatrical version of literal hell, with lakes of blood, people being flayed and tortured a la Knott’s Halloween Nights, with occasional cha cha music.

 

 

English Language Horror Fest

So many basements.

 

Hellbender (Toby Poser, John Adams, Zelda Adams, 2022): 3.5/5

The teenage girl says to her mom: “I can hear you hearing me,” nailing the dynamic of a young adult (witch) coming into their powers and chafing under the control of their parent. Creepy and original. 

 

Barbarian (Zach Cregger, 2022): 3.5/5

A routine scenario is completely redeemed by a tricky and fun narrative structure—a strategy that has been successful for Tarantino. Basement.

 

Bodies Bodies Bodies (Halina Reijn, 2022): 3/5

Clever! A bloody and propulsive who-done-it with some weak satire of Zoomer stereotypes. Nice solution. 

 

Fresh (Mimi Cave, 2022): 2/5

For those who thought American Psycho didn’t have enough toxic masculinity, conspicuous consumption and—especially—girl-power (!) Basement.

 

The Black Phone (Scott Derrickson, 2022): 2/5

Adolescent. We spend quite a lot of screen time in a basement with a kidnapped kid: horrifying but also boring. Resolves into a light psychic-power Stranger Things episode. 

 

We Are Still Here (Ted Geoghegan, 2015): 4/5

As effective in its squeaky-creepy-jumpy first half and as in its squirty-stabby second. Also funny and quirky with some good performances. Basement.

 

Dear Zachary: A Letter to a Son About his Father (Kurt Kuenne, 2008): 2/5

A perfect example of what I find unappealing about documentaries. The story could have been told in detail in about three minutes but here it is stretched and padded out. I realize that movies are supposed to be an emotional experience not just the exchange of facts, but I find it hard to be transported by actual, real-life grief and frustration.

 

Jeepers Creepers (Victor Salva, 2001): 3/5

Delivers the cheapest possible thrills, which is oh so welcome—until it too starts franchise-building activities. Basement.

 

L’arrivee, 3 min. (Peter Tscherkassky, 1999): 3.5/5

Get Ready, 1 min (Peter Tscherkassky, 1999): 3.5/5

More frame fuckery from Tscherkassky. L’arrivee screws with some iconic train-into-a-station and kiss images. Get Ready features fractured kids at a beach, followed by more from muse Barbara Hersey. 

 

The Hidden, rw (Jack Sholder, 1987): 4/5

Fast-paced, packed with thrills, very 80s. The baddie keeps jumping into random bodies, which makes for many incongruously businessman and cop second banana actors killing it when they start kicking ass. Perfect use of spacey Kyle McLaughlin. 

 

Threads (Mick Jackson, 1984): 4.5/5

One of the bleakest and most harrowing movies of all time, but often exhilaratingly so. Do you wonder exactly what would happen if someone dropped a nuclear bomb in your vicinity? This movie goes there and keeps on going. Basement.

 

The Funhouse (Tobe Hooper, 1981): 3/5

Another grotesque family drama (after Texas Chainsaw Massacre) where the son (Hooper?) is a deformed killer. A fun use of location and a wide-open sense of set design and drama. Not that scary, but contains high levels of creepiness and sleaziness. 

 

The House by the Cemetery (Lucio Fulci, 1981): 4/5

The last half an hour is an agonizing series of Don’t Go Down in the Basement moments. For me the horrors (and joys) in Fulci’s movies are completely those of repulsion, a spontaneous and uncontrollable reaction to the demented shit being displayed (in a creepily dead-eyed way, plus late 70s synth score plumping). The result is me sitting alone on the couch making a horrible “lips curled back,” grossed-out face—and, really, more power to the filmmakers. 

 

Dressed to Kill, rw (Brian De Palma, 1980): 4/5

 “Look, I know what dirty is, and this is dirty.” Admirable (?) focus on female pleasure (albeit in a sleazy male gaze-y way, yet so louche.) I find it wonderfully filthy and fetishistic.

 

Zombie, rw (Lucio Fulci, 1979): 4/5

If Dawn of the Dead is the best zombie movie, then certainly this can claim the crown of most repulsive and horrible. The practical gore effects are glorious in their vividness, and overall the intensity is remarkable. I truly had to brace myself to finish this film, nervous about what disturbing image I would next be presented with—pretty much the most desired state for a horror fan. 

 

Deep Red, rw (Dario Argento, 1975): 3.5/5

A funky, laid-back mystery plot with a great, relaxed David Hemmings and a handful of suspenseful and gory sequences. Stylish and slight. 

 

Bay of Blood (Mario Bava, 1971): 3.5/5

This is very much a giallo—with its style and mystery killer. But we also spend a good deal of time with a bunch of kids (/victims) goofing off and pairing off at the lakeside—pure (very early) slasher. Lots of gore, but thank god this doesn’t have the intensity of Fulci. 

 

The Curse of Frankenstein (Terence Fisher, 1957): 3.5/5

Concerns itself largely with Doctor Frankenstein’s moral dissolution, until finally the monster becomes the physical embodiment of the doctor’s murderous desires. It takes nearly two-third of its running time to make the monster sit up, but once he’s lurching around, he makes for quite an image—long-limbed, loose, scarred, green and ghastly. 

 

The Phantom of the Opera (Rupert Julian, 1925): 3/5

Excellent use of the theatre stuff for creepiness, including a huge pig-dragon face from a previous opera and a guy casually carrying around a realistic-looking dummy head—not to mention a beautiful opera-house set and nice gothic trappings in the sub-basements beneath. The horror of the phantom himself is somewhat blunted by time.